Stop Bringing Things Up

As Christians, we know we are to forgive others; otherwise, we will not be forgiven (see Matthew 6:15). One aspect of forgiveness, which we should to take to heart, is once we tell others we forgive them; it would be illegal to brings things up again. More specifically, rub whatever transpired in their face, and use it against them. Once things have been dealt with, it’s time to let them go permanently.

Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.

Jesus encouraged us to be merciful as our Father in Heaven is merciful (Matthew 5:38-48), therefore, it would be important to treat others as He does us. God never brings things up again, once He’s forgiven us. East never meets west, which means it’s no longer a consideration. It’s part of the New Covenant: “for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” (Jeremiah 31:34 [see verses 31-34 for fuller context]).

For whoever needs this: Stop asking Him for forgiveness for something He has already forgiven! It’s done!

The Importance of Letting Go

Psalms 103:8-10 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities (NASB).

Because He compassionate and gracious, He doesn’t treat us in the way we deserve. Of course, when a person is experiencing pain, or anger as the result of someone else’s offence, it can be difficult to think in those terms. Difficult; but not impossible. Naturally, the more we become like Him, the easier it gets. The more we submit to Holy Spirit, the easier it is to detach our emotions, and not take up the offence to begin with. That’s not to say we become impervious to getting hurt, but it can be greatly mitigated.

Part of it is realizing the frailty of humanity. People do things for different reasons, which makes it imperative to be empathetic, and to try to understand from where someone is coming. People think, act, react and respond differently from each other, because they are different. A simple example is everyone is raised differently than another. Even in communities with shared values have households that are unique to their neighbors. Children are disciplined differently. Some values are held in higher esteem in some homes than others. World views differ from one person to the next, at least to some degree. All of this feeds in the way we interact with one another.

Even motives can be misinterpreted based on one’s experiences and upbringing. A person could have totally benign intent behind an offending action, yet be seen by another as having malicious intent. In extreme instances, some have been taught everyone is guilty. There are individuals who might be considered socially awkward, and lack the social graces to recognize what is acceptable and what is not in some settings.

Psalms 103:13-14 Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust (NASB).

God makes room for our weaknesses; in fact, He has made provision for them -grace. Part of being compassionate is letting people off the hook. One might ask, “What about accountability?” We’ll briefly address that in a moment. Take it to personal level. Have you ever hurt someone, and experienced guilt and shame as a result? Did you find those things leave you once you found forgiveness? How easy it to move forward when your past is constantly thrown in your face? Releasing others helps them move forward, and become their better versions. Constantly reminding them of their past offence hinders their progress.

If a person doesn’t want someone to move forward, it begs the question as to whether he forgave the offender to begin with. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean the pain immediately goes away; however, without it, there is no healing. Secondly, forgiveness does not necessarily make someone trustworthy. Nonetheless, it does make room for his earning that trust back. In fact, it may help turn things around to the point where the relations morphs into what God intended it to be in the first place.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

One thing that helps overcome hurt and anger is finding God’s intent for the relationship. Asking Him for wisdom and understanding goes a long way in restoration and healing. And that’s what it’s about: relationship.

Back to the accountability thing. Two things to consider: one is becoming self-aware. In many cases, there are more than one perpetrator in a given conflict. Hmmm. There are two sides to every story. Self-awareness helps us see our part in the story, especially when we include Holy Spirit. There may be a possibility we might be the ones who need to ask for forgiveness. This part of taking personal accountability. It’s not always the other person’s fault. Humility plays a big role in being accountable.

Secondly, holding someone accountable does not necessarily mean calling them out on the carpet, so to speak. Instead of pointing the finger, and causing them to look down, point up to where they are called. “You’re better than this, God has called you to something much better. I don’t see you as a low life, I see you as a person of God.” The idea is to see them as God sees them, and encourage him or her in that direction.

God calls those things that be not as if they were (see Romans 4:17). He knows the end result, and we want to be in agreement with Him. If one decides to throw someone’s past in his or her face, one is not in agreement with God.

Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

By the way, part of the forgiveness process occasionally includes talking about it, but once the talking is over, it’s over!

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