Narcissism is an excessive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance. It is extreme selfishness and a hunger for admiration. Arrogance is having an inflated sense of one’s own importance or abilities. Conceit carries strong suggestions of superiority and a failure to see oneself realistically.
Narcissism, arrogance, conceit and the like are counterfeit expressions of the way God desires us to love ourselves. Those who embrace these qualities are in an identity crisis. True love has none of these characteristics attached to it. In fact, these reveal a lack of love for oneself in those who practice such things. They either have not encountered the Love of God, rejected His Love or have difficulty receiving it.
Those who have rejected or have difficulty receiving God’s love either do not love themselves, or at least have difficulty with self-acceptance. In some cases, people have actually learned to despise or even hate themselves. Others do not feel worthy of love because they had to earn it and nothing they did was “good enough.” A number of people never heard “I love you” from one or both of their parents, so the thought of God the Father loving them is foreign. A good many have learned what they do is who they are, and therefore, equate their failings with their worth.
Jesus said “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment” (Mark 12:30, KJV). Obviously, God is our Priority and when we obey this commandment, the rest gets easier. He also did say, “And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Mark 12:30-31, KJV). This tells us that we are to love ourselves. One of the reasons for relational issues with others is that some people do not love themselves in the way God intended. This takes on a number of characteristics, so in some cases the difficulty with loving the self is less obvious. Narcissism, arrogance, conceit and the like can mask what is really going on inside. On the other hand, people’s attitude and behavior toward others make it blatantly obvious.
If a person is void of love, he is incapable of giving love. You cannot give what you do not have. Criticism comes easy to self-haters and self-despisers. Those who feel unworthy will sabotage their relationships with others in order to validate what they believe to be true. As a person thinks, so is he. Those who feel “worthy” of rejection will put themselves in places to be rejected. Simply, they will misbehave so others will despise them. When a person feels un-loveable, he will act un-loveable. Remember, bad attitudes and behavior are symptoms of deeper issues.
There is another extreme for those who crave love and feel unworthy of it. While some people are given to criticism, others worship idols. Meaning, there will be whom they put on pedestals “who can do no wrong.” They are whom they set up in their mind as the ideal person. So much so, that they try to emulate them. They are their gods whom they worship. Therefore, they hang on their every word and glorify them for their every deed. If their hero acknowledges them, they get overwhelmed. They feel small in their presence, because they have an improper point of view. There are these two extremes and everything in between. The majority who struggle with love, live in a dichotomy. That is they despise and criticize some, while adoring and worshipping others.
We are all designed for love and designed to love. Where there is a breakdown in this area, dysfunction will emerge. Without love, nothing is right. God is Love, therefore without Love we would not be here. There would be no opportunity for eternal life, nor would there be healing available for wounded hearts and souls. The first place to begin your journey of love where healing is found, is a relationship with God. He is our Starting Point and our Finish Line. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith (see Hebrews 12:2).
Begin here: God is Love (see 1John 4:16). God so loved you that He gave His only begotten Son, so you may have eternal life through belief in Him (see John 3:16). While you were yet a sinner, Christ died for you (see Romans 5:8). Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13,KJV). That is exactly what Jesus did for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, because God is Wonderful and He cares about you that much (see Psalm 134:14). Worthy is the Lamb Who made you worthy. Because He is worthy, you are worthy. Jesus is our Righteousness; therefore, you are righteous. As it is written, “For He hath made Him to be sin for us, Who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:21, KJV). We love God because He first loved us! Study the Bible and read what God really thinks about you. Listen carefully, and let Him whisper it in your ears. One final thought: you are reading this because God really loves you. He is a loving Father Who wants you and He wants you to receive His Love!
