More than likely, the majority of the parents on the entire planet wonder how well they’re actually doing as parents. They question their abilities of parenting well. Of course, there also those who do not yet have children, but wonder what kind of parents they would be. If you fall into either of these categories, just know that you’re not alone. More importantly, take comfort in knowing God’s grace is sufficient for you and your child. There are numerous stories about those who turned out well in spite of having terrible or missing parents. In the meantime, what are some things to help parents, future parents and even grandparents do a better job? Remember, no one has taken Parenting 101. There is no such class. It’s OJT (on the job training) all the way!
One important step in parenting well is being self-aware. This requires honesty with yourself on the highest level. If you don’t really know who you are in Jesus Christ; what baggage you might be holding onto; the strongholds and belief systems that are planted in your mind, you will have a rough go of it. We all need to get things squared away first. It helps so much with clarity.
As Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5). In other words, you’ve got to deal with your own stuff in order to see clearly to help another.
If you don’t love yourself the way God loves you, you will not be able to love others well. If you’re not confident in who you are in Christ, your motives might be skewed. Those who are needy are the ones who tend to live through their children. That means what they do will not be done as much for their children as they would like to believe. In some cases, strings will be attached to gifts. One of them being affirmation. Think about this one: are you proud of your child’s accomplishment, or your parenting to get her or him there? Do you share their accomplishments with others to keep them informed and celebrate your child’s victory; or, are you looking for a pat on the back for great parenting? We all need to allow the Lord to show us the things we need to see in order to move forward. Please understand that this is not a call to perfection or some form of self-actualization –not by a longshot! Rather, it’s about connecting with the Ultimate Parent and being who you need to be for Him. That is when you will be who need to be for your child. Probably, no one will ever have all their “ducks in a row,” but that doesn’t mean he or she cannot parent well now. His grace is sufficient for you!
One of the most important things we can do, if not the most important, is connect them with God. Along with that, help them come into their identity and calling. Celebrating who God designed them to be, even if it is different than what we think it should be, is important. Our hopes and aspirations for them would serve them better if they’re centered on God’s perfect will for them. That might mean as they get older, they make decisions and choices we don’t understand at times. Our children cannot afford to have our missed dreams and opportunities pressed on them. In short, our children should not be forced to live our dreams instead of their own. By the way, God loves redemption, and that means He can redeem your calling if you’ve been missing it. That’s a matter of submission on everyone’s part.
Constant love and affirmation is vital for their confidence in who they are in Jesus. Love should never be attached to performance. When children know they’re deeply loved, they will be free to pursue God’s desires for them. Instilling in them the desire to seek His face is monumental! If you want your child to seek God’s face, then you need to seek His face. If it’s not important to you, why should it be important to her or him? Instilling a relationship with God requires your having one with Him. You are being watched!
Holding yourself in unforgiveness sabotages your relationship with others. It keeps you from moving forward. Those who have lived any length of time have done things they regret, but once they have repented and received God’s forgiveness, it’s time to let it go. There is a deserve or don’t deserve mindset that can move in if you don’t forgive yourself. This in turn affects your relationship with others, including your child. Subconsciously, when people feel they don’t deserve love, they push others away. Sometimes, children are recipients of that push, as well as God. If God forgave you, who are you not to do the same? Here is another reason this is important for your children: it helps them learn to leave it in the past and move forward. If they learn to hold their past against themselves by their parent’s example, they will have a terrible time coming into their God-given destiny. They’ll hold themselves back, as some of you might be right now. Whether or not you forgive yourself affects more than yourself. Ask God for help. His grace is sufficient for you! On the flipside, if they see the forgiveness and moving on, they’ll learn to do that too. Speaking of forgiveness: don’t be afraid to ask your son or daughter for forgiveness while owning up to things, if it should become necessary. It goes a long way in your relationship together.
Clearly there are more principles than these listed here. One final one for now is found in the book of James. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him (James 1:5).
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