Pain and Empathy
When a person is experiencing pain, it makes difficult for him or her to be empathetic toward others. By definition, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, perspectives or ideas of another. In the latter case, it doesn’t necessarily mean one has to agree to understand. In short, pain interferes with seeing things from another’s point of view.
So, what is pain? There are a number of definitions, and yet there’s a link between many of them. One is acute emotional or mental distress or suffering. It includes sorrow, heartache, sadness or grief, despair, and desperation. It involves trauma, bitterness, anguish, agony, torment and torture. As a matter of fact, another definition for pain is punishment (i.e. “pain of death”). Moreover, it’s been shown to spill over into physical pain and illness.
While we’re on the subject, we can ill afford to discount one’s physical pain in relation to emotional instability. Meaning, physical pain or suffering can hijack emotions to various degrees. Think anecdotally for a moment. Have you ever noticed a lack of patience when experiencing physical pain or discomfort? How about that burst of anger that accompanies a sudden searing pain? You know, like when someone hits his finger with a hammer, or hits his head on a hard object?
Emotional stability is especially hampered when dealing with more severe levels suffering, such as a person is in a constant state of discomfort from long-term illness. Not to forget those who endure chronic pain caused by an injury. All the various physical mechanisms attached to these things influence emotional and mental capacity.
As stated, it’s very hard for some people to see beyond themselves when they’re suffering. In a number instances, they’re unaware they are in pain. Over time, they’ve become accustomed to it, and it became part of them. In essence, it’s been stuffed under layers of their humanity. They can seem very selfish at times. This can serve as a clue to us when someone is suffering. For example, someone acting uncharacteristically indifferent or rude, is probably in some sort of distress. Can we be empathetic enough to see through the apparent selfishness, or do we become offended? Even the kindest people face challenges.
Pain and Forgiveness
Some people are able to quickly forgive and let go of things. Others, not so much. Whatever the case, it may be the result of upbringing. Some have been taught to forgive, and lived in a culture of forgiveness. Others, have been taught to hold a grudge and lived in a culture of unforgiveness. Some fall somewhere in between. This can be useful to keep in mind when dealing with relationships. By the way, it also serves as a clue to why some relationships lean toward instability.
More than likely, those who are slow to forgive, are more quickly offended than others. Of course, the more offended one is, the harder it is to forgive and forget. If you never forgive, you will never forget. It’s not a healthy place to be, to say the least. Jesus had something to say about this.
Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (read Matthew 18:21-35).
One reason to ask others to forgive us is to help them get out of the state of unforgiveness and pain should we hurt or offend them. Contrary to popular belief, it is not to get off the hook and feel better. It is for their benefit. If you are looking at forgiveness from the standpoint of self-preservation, chances are you still have some repenting to do. Love is concerned with the other person’s welfare; not one’s guilty conscience. Repentance rids a guilty conscience, which is another lesson.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Corinthians 13:5 also tells us love is not easily provoked. Think about this, when we walk in love, we are less apt to be offended. If we don’t take up the offense, we have nothing to forgive. In many instances, we can choose not be offended when someone acts offensive. They only have enough power to “make you mad” as you give them. Yes, that can be a tough one. Thank God for His grace. Perhaps keep this in mind, Love purposes to forgive ahead of time. The Perfect Picture of this is the Cross. Because of His great love, Jesus went to the Cross in order for us to be forgiven. In fact, God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them (2 Corinthians 5:19).
Unforgiveness leads to more suffering, and bitterness. If you’re dealing with someone who refuses to forgive, recognize he or she is probably deeply hurt. Strong emotions tend to resist forgiving others. Be patient, and pray for them. If you struggle with unforgiveness, ask God for the grace to forgive, which includes asking help with the desire itself. Yes, it can be tough sometimes; but not impossible!
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
