Those Who Seek Love

1Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
Proverbs 17:9 He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends (NASB).
One way to know if you’re actually walking in love is whether you are willing to cover a multitude of sins. Those who conceal a wrongdoing are actually seeking love. You might say they are loving well. When they are wronged by others, they keep it to themselves. Not difunctionally stuffing one’s feelings or emotions; rather, it’s based on the recognition that love forgives.
They do not shout it from the rooftops for everyone hear how terrible someone is for causing them pain. In a way, they are causing “the perpetrator” to save face. They’re not interested in dragging their name through the mud, even if they might feel justified in so doing. They would rather be reconciled, and have no else know anything ever transpired. Love and forgiveness are outward focused; not self-serving.

Victims Divide

As we already read, “He who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.” Before going further, let’s first acknowledge emotional pain can be very hard to contain. If left unchecked, it can influence people to think, act and say things contrary to their nature, or the Word of God. What is being said here is in no way being dismissive of one’s pain. However, no matter how deep the pain may go, one can make it even worse by not properly addressing it.
Some have a victim mindset, and will look for any opportunity to play the victim card. Therefore, if someone hurts them, they will seek to let everyone know how they were wronged by the individual. The one’s they tend to target are those who are close to “the abuser.” They want to turn them against him or her, and come sympathetically to their side. And by the way, there are two sides to every story.
Proverbs 18:17 The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him (NASB).
How do you respond to those who acted unjustly? Have you ever doubted someone based on what someone else said, even if it was false? Victims tend to divide, because their words taint the reputation of another, regardless of its veracity. How often do people “pick a side,” without hearing both sides? Victims seldom discuss their part in the drama. Frequently, they fail to divulge what they said, or did that may have caused a reaction from the other. They would have you believe they are totally innocent of any wrongdoing.
Countless relationships have been hindered, or deeply damaged by victimhood. Not to mention division in the Church it has caused.  
Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.  

What Did Jesus Say?

Jesus told us how to handle offences, and going around telling others is not part of it. So what did He say about how we are to handle being wronged by others?
Matthew 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
What did you notice in the first sentence? If your brother trespasses against you, go and tell him his fault in private; if he listens you have a won a brother. No one else is to be involved. No one else needs to know. What’s the aim? Reconciliation. Forgiveness and reconciliation are the greatest acts of revenge of all. It takes away the enemy’s plans to destroy those who hurt us, and ourselves through unforgiveness.
If the person is not willing to listen, the second instruction is to take one or two others with you. Keep in mind, they should be neutral, and be objective as possible, in order to establish the facts. We cannot afford to find those who will blindly side with us; otherwise, they might fail to see, and point our any blind spots we might have in the situation. We might be the ones who need to ask for forgiveness. It helps keep us from succumbing to rationalization. Again, their motive should be reconciliation between the two parties.
Thirdly, if it is a brother or sister in the Lord, then we might bring it to the church, with the same intention. If he or she still refuses to hear, what then? Treat him or her like a heathen and publican. Question: how do we treat heathens and publicans? We pray for them. There may be a season when we do not fellowship with the individual, but that doesn’t mean we stop loving him or her. Shouldn’t our hearts ache for reconciliation?
Think of the extreme God went to reconcile us unto Himself? How far are you willing to go? Those who play the victim, and spread the news about what the other did to them, are failing to walk in love.

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