How Do We Deal With Emotions That Interfere With Forgiveness?

   Can we translate Jesus’ example of forgiveness into our own lives? Absolutely! He has empowered each of us to do just that; otherwise, we wouldn’t be exhorted to forgive.
   Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
   Negative emotions can interfere with forgiveness. Emotions in general make great servants, but they should never be our masters. They can be tyrants when left to themselves. If we’re honest, we have to admit forgiveness does not come easy when heated passion is overwhelming our senses. Hence, the exhortation to rid ourselves of these volatile emotions and behavior.
   Have you ever felt stuck, and it took a long time to forgive someone? Maybe even now, you feel like you cannot forgive. Again, don’t let your feelings stop you. It starts with a decision, not an emotion. We’ll drill down on this one in a moment. Just know God’s grace is there is to help.
   It may appear as if justice or the sense of fair play would be diminished by forgiveness. Biblically, it does not lessen them at all; in fact, it would be unjust if you did not forgive. And yes, you would be totally unfair by withholding forgiveness. How could we not forgive another, when we ourselves have been forgiven so much? Was it fair for Jesus to take on our sins at the Cross? At the Cross, justice was served. The price of sin was paid in full. What did Jesus teach?
   In the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, Jesus tells us of a servant who was forgiven an un-payable debt by a certain king. After being forgiven, he refused to forgive another servant who owed him considerably less. When the king heard about it, he was extremely angry. This is how he responded to the servant:
   “O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: ” Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? ” And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. (Matthew 18:32-34).  
   Moreover, Jesus said, “So likewise shall My heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses ” (Matthew 18:35). In short, if you do not forgive, you will not be forgiven. Be sure to read Matthew 18:15-35 and Matthew 6:14-15.
   Great! I know I’m supposed to forgive, but I’m still on the struggle bus. Time to drill down. God never asks or commands us to do anything we could never do. He made provision for everything. In this case, He provided grace and mercy. Grace enables us to do the “impossible;” like extending mercy.
   Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
   Talk to Him about your struggle. Ask for the ability to make the decision which will override the emotions and false narratives. Ask for His compassion to flood your heart. Submit to Holy Spirit, thereby bringing your emotions under His control.
    And if you feel the need for revenge, forgive! Forgiveness is the ultimate revenge, especially, when you consider the enemy of your soul would love you to withhold forgiveness. He does not want you to forgive anyone, and he most certainly doesn’t want you to receive forgiveness. Revenge would be gaining a brother or sister by extending undeserved mercy. But then, none of us deserved mercy.

What Forgiveness Looks Like for Us

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender feelings of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbearing one another and forgiving yourselves, if anyone has a complaint against any. As Christ forgave you, so also you do. And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness.
   Do you like to set yourself up for success? Here are some things you can do to make forgiving others a winnable endeavor:

• Purpose to be kind. Kindness is a quality that leads to repentance (see Romans 2:4).
• Be tenderhearted: determine to keep your heart soft and teachable. This fends off bitterness.
• Be humble: forgiveness requires humility.
• Stay meek. Meekness is restrained strength, or strength under control. You don’t have to demand your way. You do not have to be “right,” or win the argument. A gentle answer turns wrath away, and lends itself to reconciliation.
• Cut people slack. Remember, not everything is black and white. Not every transgression is premeditated. Things happen. Sometimes people are unaware they were offensive. Similarly, not everyone thinks like you. For instance, what you consider wrong, may not be to someone else.
• With that, employ empathy. People struggle. Sometimes, they’re in a bad place and need mercy. They need healing, and they need someone to be Jesus for them. Some self-sabotage by hurting others. Ask God for wisdom.
• As already stated, submit to Holy Spirit. He gives the self-control required to do all the previous things mentioned.
• Love is the bow on top of the package.

   1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent love to yourselves, for love will cover a multitude of sins.

• Forgive and forget.

To this last point. With forgiveness comes healing; but in some instances, healing takes time. Feeling pain or even anger, doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t forgive. It means the healing is in process. As you focus less on the past, and turn to the present, it will have less of a hold on you. The more submitted to Holy Spirit, the quicker the process. Do not bring things up again. Let love win!
   By the grace of God, you can come to a point where it seems as if an event never took place. At least from an emotional standpoint. Meaning, your emotions are no longer vested in the event. Emotionally, it would be similar to reading a story, where you are not a main character. It feels like you’re reading it from a third person point of view.
   Like love, forgiveness is not something meant to be earned. You could not earn forgiveness from God; it was freely given to you. Albeit, there most certainly was a Price paid. Trust on the other hand may be a different story. When someone was willful in his deed and is unrepentant, you cannot exactly whole heartedly trust him. Not unless, you’re looking to get hurt again. That itself is another topic to consider if you’re one who keeps getting burned.
   To be sure, people have to be given space to repent and change. They can gain back your trust, if you allow them. Some might push back on that idea, but that’s self-preservation kicking in. In the meantime, pray for them like their souls depend on it. Allow Holy Spirit to lead you in how to interact with those who break the trust.
   Remember how God treated you those times you blew it. He forgave and kept the relationship. He didn’t throw it out the window. He continuously gives us mercy and room to grow. If we can change, so can others! Jesus is worthy for us to forgive one another. God forgave us for His sake.

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