Why Do I Feel Out of Place

When the Right Place Feels Wrong

Have you ever felt out place? Most have probably experienced that feeling at some point in their life. Perhaps, several times. Occasionally, it is because a person really is out of place. He or she is called to be elsewhere, and God’s been trying to get his or her attention. Of course, there may be a timing issue at play. You know, it’s the right place, but the wrong time. Yea, we can get in a hurry sometimes, which can get us into trouble, so to speak.

What about being in the right place at the right time, and yet, you still feel out of place? The former questions pretty much centered around physical locality (where one lives, job, church, etc.); however, there is another dimension to consider. Where are you spiritually? This should probably be our primary focus, because it affects every aspect of life. The spiritual ought to precede the physical. Another way to state it: God first! With that comes the question: where does He want me?

“I love God, He has first place.” Let’s drill down on that statement. This is not to say one doesn’t love Him, and He isn’t first place. At least that’s where the intention lies. Notwithstanding, it is easy to deviate from our course without realizing it. That deviation may not be some gigantic personal issue, such a moral failure, per say. It simply means one’s motivation for doing things might be out-of-place.

How Our Motives Affect Our Place

Jesus said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:37-40).

This statement obviously sets our priorities, as previously indicated. That being said, if one inadvertently shifts a person into the first love category, the relationship will be out of place. By placing someone else in first place, regardless who it is (spouse, child, parent and so on), it would be possible to damage the relationship with God and that person. How so?

We know we are to have no other gods before us. When a human is in first place, that human has become a god in a manner of speaking. Everything we do will center on that person. Immediately, a chasm begins to form between us and God. It may not be obvious at first, but in time we may find ourselves feeling distant from Him, as well as the other person. People become needy when they seek the approval of others. They become resentful, if they feel the others don’t fully appreciate them, or what they “do for them.”

This has been said before, but when we do something for approval, we are no longer doing it from the standpoint of love. Ultimately, we’re seeking the benefit of being appreciated. Doing things for approval can be a form of manipulation. For instance, out of neediness, a person may do something in order to make someone feel obligated to perform in a certain way (show affection or appreciation, stay in the relationship, and so on). When there are strings attached, there is no freedom for the other person to freely love or act. It’s actually a form of oppression.

Additionally, we will not be who we need to be for another, if God isn’t first place. By walking in our identity in Jesus, which includes His perfect love, we are free to love others; regardless of whether they love us in return. Our intent is to do what’s best for them. With no strings attached, they won’t feel oppressed by us.    

Let’s use one more illustration: being at the right job at the right time, but feeling out place.

Colossians 3:22-24 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

When we do things as onto the Lord, others benefit. An employer doesn’t have to worry about whether we will do things right. If one is in management, the subordinate, doesn’t have to be concerned about fair treatment. As soon as we seek the approval of the boss, co-workers or subordinates, everything changes. For one thing, we put ourselves into bondage. We become people-pleasers, and more apt to burn ourselves out. We will never feel like we’re doing enough. It becomes almost impossible to say no when we should. We become easier to be manipulated. Similar to the previous example, our concern would no longer be for the welfare of others, nor the company for that matter.

Here’s the scary part, we may begin to seek the glory for ourselves; instead seeking to glorify God. Question: is there a human on this planet who will say to us, “Well done good and faithful servant,” after we die?  Who gives the final affirmation?

Jesus puts things in perspective in relation to seeking honor from others. This is what He said to the Jews: “I am come in My Father’s name, and ye receive Me not: if another shall come in his own name, him ye will receive. How can ye believe, which receive honour one of another, and seek not the honour that cometh from God only?” (John 5:43-44)

Here’s a thought: does putting others first, interfere with belief?

perfectfaith.org